I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about who am I, really. What do I really like to do? I am also examining my motives, for example do I like something because it is what others like or that it is the opposite of what someone else might like. When it came to hobbies/ activities I don’t really know what I like to do anymore. I had to give up a lot because of time when I was teaching, mobility when I was pregnant, and time and energy now that I have Lance. I seemed to have forgotten who the real me is and what she likes and dislikes. I am Lance’s mommy and the person that everyone wants me to be. When I really start thinking about my motives for my likes, dislikes, hobbies, style, etc. I realize that they are based on other people’s opinion. For instance, I use to snowboard and I liked it, but I would have never snowboarded if Jeff didn’t so I got to thinking, do I only do it because Jeff does or because I really like it? Now I have gone snowboarding several times without him, but I do know if I really like it or do I like it because he does. I can’t answer that because I don’t know. I guess it really doesn’t matter because I think on some level everyone is influenced by others and do pure motives really even matter? Even though I am going round and round in a circle, the important thing is finding activities that I do like and finding time for myself and not being with Lance 24-7. My true self got lost when Lance arrived on the scene and I am trying to find out who she really is.
